The 5 Leadership Lessons Nobody Taught Me in School
Real talk: Most leadership advice is garbage. Here's what actually works when you're trying to lead people who don't have to follow you.
Why I'm Writing This (And Why You Should Care)
Look, I'm not some CEO with a corner office writing about leadership from behind a mahogany desk.
I'm just a guy who's been leading teams since I was barely old enough to drive. Started with a football team back in 2009, now I represent South Sudanese youth in Uganda. Along the way, I've screwed up more times than I can count.
But here's the thing: those mistakes taught me more about real leadership than any book or seminar ever could.
This isn't theory. This is what happens when you actually have to get people to work together, especially when they don't want to.
Lesson 1: Drop Your Ego or Watch Your Team Fall Apart
The Day I Learned I Wasn't as Smart as I Thought
Here's what nobody tells you about leadership: Your ego is your biggest enemy.
I used to think being a leader meant having all the answers. Wrong. Dead wrong.
The moment you start believing your own hype, your team stops trusting you. And without trust? You're not leading anyone. You're just a person with a fancy title talking to empty chairs.
Real leadership looks like this:
- Admitting when you don't know something
- Asking your team for help (yes, really)
- Taking the blame when things go wrong
- Giving credit when things go right
I remember this one time our project was falling behind. Instead of pretending I had it all figured out, I told my team: "I messed up the timeline. Help me fix this."
Guess what happened? They didn't lose respect for me. They rolled up their sleeves, and we fixed it together.
"A true leader doesn't stand above the people but stands with them, especially when it hurts."
Bottom line: Check your ego at the door, or it'll check you out of leadership.
Lesson 2: Unity Doesn't Just Happen (You Have to Fight for It)
Why "Team Building" Exercises Are Usually Useless
Let me tell you something about unity: It's not a weekend retreat or trust fall exercise. It's daily work.
Leading South Sudanese youth from different communities taught me this the hard way. Put people from different backgrounds in a room, and they don't automatically become best friends. Shocking, I know.
Small differences become big problems fast. Someone says something the wrong way. Another person takes it personally. Before you know it, your "team" is three separate groups who barely talk to each other.
Here's what actually builds unity:
Talk about problems before they explode. Don't wait for the big blowup. Address tension early.
Make people work together on stuff that matters, not trust falls. Real projects with real stakes.
Be the first to apologize, even when you're only half wrong. Someone has to break the ice.
Create shared wins. Nothing bonds people like succeeding together.
The strongest teams I've led weren't the ones without conflict. They were the ones who learned how to fight fair and make up fast.
Unity takes effort. Every. Single. Day.
Lesson 3: Your Background Is Your Secret Weapon
Why Being "Professional" Almost Made Me a Terrible Leader
For the longest time, I thought good leadership meant blending in. Being "professional." Acting like everyone else.
Huge mistake.
Your culture, your background, your story, that's not something to hide. That's your leadership compass.
Being Bari isn't just my identity. It's my foundation. When I'm making tough decisions, when I'm trying to figure out what's right, my culture gives me clarity.
Our traditions aren't old-fashioned. They're proven. They've been guiding leaders through tough times for generations.
Here's what I mean:
- When someone needs respect, I remember how my elders taught me to honor people
- When there's conflict, I think about how our community resolves disputes
- When I need wisdom, I draw on stories and lessons passed down to me
Your background isn't a weakness to overcome. It's a strength to leverage.
Don't try to lead like someone else. Lead like you, with everything that makes you who you are.
Lesson 4: Failure Is Your Best Teacher (If You Let It Be)
The Mistakes That Made Me a Better Leader
I've missed deadlines. Made bad calls. Had people quit on me. Got criticized publicly.
You know what? Good.
Not because I enjoyed it (trust me, I didn't). But because every failure taught me something success never could.
You don't become a better leader by avoiding failure. You become one by facing it head-on.
Here's what failure actually teaches you:
- How to bounce back when everything goes wrong
- How to stay calm under pressure
- How to solve problems you've never seen before
- How to understand what your team is going through
The leaders I respect most? They're not the ones who never failed. They're the ones who failed, learned, and got back up.
Failure doesn't disqualify you from leadership. Quitting does.
Lesson 5: Leadership Is Heavy (And That's Okay)
What They Don't Tell You About Being in Charge
Here's the truth nobody wants to talk about: Real leadership is exhausting.
Not because of the work (though there's plenty of that). Because of the weight.
You carry responsibility for other people's success. Their problems become your problems. Their bad days affect your sleep.
Leadership isn't a spotlight. It's a weight you carry because you care.
I've had sleepless nights worrying about team members. Missed personal events because someone needed help. Spent my own money on things the team needed.
Was it worth it? Absolutely.
But let's be honest about what leadership actually costs:
- Your time (lots of it)
- Your convenience
- Sometimes your reputation
- Your mental and emotional energy
The sacrifice isn't punishment. It's the price of making a real difference.
How to Actually Use This Stuff
Simple Things You Can Do Tomorrow
Look, reading about leadership is easy. Actually leading? That's harder.
Start with these simple changes:
Every morning, ask yourself: "How can I help my team today?" (Not "How can my team help me?")
In every conversation:
- Listen more than you talk
- Ask questions instead of giving orders
- Look for ways to make the other person successful
When things go wrong:
- Take responsibility first
- Ask for help solving the problem
- Learn something for next time
Before you make decisions:
- Think about who it affects
- Consider the long-term impact
- Remember what you stand for
That's it. Nothing fancy. Nothing complicated.
Just simple actions that add up to better leadership over time.
The Real Point of All This
Why Any of This Actually Matters
I don't lead for recognition. Or status. Or to pad my resume.
I lead because our generation can do better. We can be wiser, stronger, and more united than the ones before us.
Every time I sit with fellow students, organize a meeting, or answer a call for help, I'm reminded why this matters.
Not for the spotlight. For the people behind you.
Leadership isn't about you. It's through you, for others.
To every young person who feels called to lead: Do it. Do it with courage. Do it with vision. And never forget who you're representing.
Your leadership journey matters.
Make it count.
Ready to put this into practice? Pick one lesson from this list and try it this week. See what happens when you lead with purpose instead of ego.
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