Why Your First Leadership Role Will Humble You (And Why That's Perfect)

Picture this: You've just been handed your first leadership position. You're buzzing with excitement, ready to change the world. Then reality hits like a cold shower in Lagos during harmattan season.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the club, my friend.

Here's the truth nobody warns you about: Your first leadership role will humble you faster than a Nigerian auntie correcting your life choices at a family gathering. And honestly? That's the best thing that could happen to you.

I'm Silas Tonny, and I started leading teams as a young person in South Sudan. From football pitches to student halls, I've seen what happens when young leaders get their first taste of real responsibility.

Spoiler alert: It's messier than you think, harder than you imagine, and more valuable than you could ever know.

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Why First-Time Leaders Get Humbled (It's Not Personal, It's Universal)

The Confidence Trap That Gets Everyone

Let me tell you about my first day leading a football team back in 2009. I was 7, full of ideas, and absolutely convinced I had this leadership thing figured out.

Boy, was I wrong.

Within a week, I had players questioning my decisions, team morale dropping, and my own confidence cracking like dried earth in the Sahara.

Here's why this happens to almost every new leader:

• You mistake position for respect
• You think leadership is about having all the answers
• You believe people will automatically follow you
• You assume your way is the best

 

The Reality Check Matrix: What You Think vs. What Actually Happens

What You Think Leadership Is:	What Leadership Actually Is
Giving orders that people follow	Inspiring people to choose to follow
Having all the answers	Asking the right questions
Being the smartest in the room	Making everyone else feel smart
Getting immediate respect	Earning respect through consistent action
Avoiding mistakes	Learning from inevitable mistakes

Why African Leadership Contexts Make It Even More Challenging

Leading in African contexts adds unique layers to the humbling experience:

Cultural Hierarchies: Respect for elders and experience runs deep. Young leaders often face skepticism simply due to age.

Community Expectations: African leadership isn't individual, it's communal. Your decisions affect entire families and communities.

Resource Constraints: Leading with limited resources tests your creativity and resilience in ways textbooks never prepare you for.

Diverse Backgrounds: Managing teams across different tribes, languages, and cultures requires skills most leadership courses don't teach.

The Humbling Stages: A Journey Every Leader Must Take

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase (Week 1-2)

"This is easier than I thought!"

You're riding high on new authority. People are being polite. You think you've got this whole leadership thing figured out.

Reality check incoming...

Stage 2: The Reality Slap (Week 3-6)

"Why isn't anyone listening to me?"

This is where things get interesting. People start challenging your decisions. Your "brilliant" ideas get pushback. Welcome to real leadership.

My experience: Players started skipping practice. Team chemistry was falling apart. I was losing sleep wondering what I was doing wrong.

Stage 3: The Identity Crisis (Month 2-3)

"Maybe I'm not cut out for this."

Self-doubt creeps in. You question everything: your decisions, your capabilities, your right to lead.

The dangerous temptation: Quitting or becoming authoritarian to force compliance.

Stage 4: The Learning Curve (Month 4-6)

"I need to do things differently."

You start listening more than talking. You realize leadership is about serving others, not being served.

The breakthrough moment: When you stop trying to prove you're worthy of leadership and start proving you're worthy of people's trust.

Stage 5: The Transformation (Month 6+)

"I'm becoming the leader I needed when I started."

Humility becomes your superpower. You lead with empathy, learn from mistakes, and build genuine relationships. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Leadership Humbling

How long does the humbling process take?

Short answer: It varies, but expect 6-12 months of intense learning.

Longer answer: The timeline depends on several factors:

• Your willingness to learn from mistakes
• The complexity of your leadership role
• The support system around you
• Your cultural context and team dynamics

In my experience working with young African leaders, those who embrace the humbling process grow faster than those who resist it.

Is getting humbled a sign of weak leadership?

Absolutely not. In fact, leaders who never get humbled often become toxic or ineffective over time.

Getting humbled is a sign that:

• You're taking on real challenges
• People feel safe enough to give you honest feedback
• You're growing beyond your comfort zone
• You care enough about your role to feel the weight of responsibility

How do you recover from leadership mistakes?

The African way of handling mistakes offers valuable lessons:

1. Acknowledge openly - Like the tradition of community gatherings, where issues are addressed transparently
2. Make amends actively - Don't just apologize; take corrective action
3. Learn publicly - Show your team what you've learned from the experience
4. Move forward together - Focus on collective progress, not individual shame

What if your team loses respect for you?

Respect can be rebuilt, but it requires:

• Consistent actions over time -Not grand gestures, but daily reliability
• Genuine care for your team - People forgive leaders who truly care about them
• Transparency about your growth - Let them see you becoming better
• Delivering on promises - Even small ones matter

Real talk: I once had to rebuild trust with my entire team after a series of poor decisions. It took months of showing up differently, but we came back stronger.

How do cultural differences affect the humbling process?

In African contexts, the humbling process often involves:

• Respect for traditional wisdom - Learning from elder leaders and cultural practices
• Community accountability - Your leadership affects more than just your immediate team
• Collective decision-making - Understanding that good leadership often means facilitating group consensus
• Ubuntu philosophy  "I am because we are" - leadership as service to community

Why Getting Humbled Is Actually Your Superpower

It Builds Real Empathy

Before humbling: You lead from theory and assumption. After humbling: You lead from understanding and experience.

When you've felt the weight of making tough decisions, you understand why your team members struggle. When you've failed publicly, you can support others through their failures with genuine compassion.

It Develops Anti-Fragile Leadership

Fragile leaders break under pressure. Resilient leaders bounce back from pressure.
Anti-fragile leaders get stronger because of pressure.

Humbling creates anti-fragile leaders who:

• Turn criticism into improvement opportunities
• Use failures as learning laboratories
• Transform challenges into growth catalysts

It Creates Authentic Authority

Positional authority says, "Respect me because of my title." Authentic authority says, "Trust me because of my character."

People follow authentic leaders because:

• They've proven they can handle adversity
• They admit mistakes and learn from them
• They care more about the mission than their ego
• They've been tested and emerged stronger

The African Leadership Advantage: Learning from Our Elders

Traditional Wisdom Meets Modern Challenges

African cultures have rich traditions of leadership development that perfectly prepare us for the humbling process:

Rite of Passage Traditions: Many African cultures have formal processes for transitioning from follower to leader, often involving challenges that humble and teach.

Elder Mentorship: The tradition of learning from experienced leaders provides guidance through difficult times.

Community Accountability: Leaders are accountable to the entire community, not just shareholders or supervisors.

Ubuntu Philosophy: Understanding that leadership is about lifting others, not elevating yourself.

Modern Applications of Ancient Wisdom

Traditional Concept Modern	Leadership Application
Village councils making decisions together	Collaborative leadership and team consensus
Griots passing down wisdom through stories	Using storytelling for vision and motivation
Seasonal ceremonies marking transitions	Celebrating team milestones and growth
Community service expectations for leaders	Servant leadership and giving back

Practical Steps to Navigate Your Leadership Humbling

1. Prepare Your Mind Before It Happens

Expect the humbling. Don't go into leadership thinking you'll be the exception. You're going to make mistakes, face challenges, and question yourself. That's not failure, that's growth.

Mental preparation tactics:

• Read about other leaders' struggles (especially African leaders who've overcome challenges)
• Find mentors who've been through the process
• Develop a growth mindset before you need it
• Build a support system of family and friends

2. When the Humbling Hits (And It Will)

Stay curious, not defensive. When people challenge you, ask yourself: "What can I learn from this feedback?"

Practical responses:

• Thank people for honest feedback (even when it stings)
• Ask clarifying questions instead of making excuses
• Take time to reflect before responding emotionally
• Look for patterns in the feedback you receive

3. Turn Humbling into Learning

Document your lessons. Keep a leadership journal where you record:

• Mistakes you made and what you learned
• Feedback you received and how you'll apply it
• Successes and what made them possible
• Personal growth moments

Share your struggles. Find safe spaces (mentors, peer groups, family) where you can process the challenges without judgment.

4. Rebuild Stronger

Focus on consistent improvement rather than dramatic changes. Small, daily improvements compound over time.

Show your growth through actions, not just words. Let your team see you implementing what you've learned.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel: What You Become

From Ego to Empathy

Before: "I need to prove I belong here." After: "I need to prove I can serve these people well."

The shift from self-focused to others-focused leadership transforms everything. Your decisions become clearer, your relationships deeper, your impact more meaningful.

From Fear to Fearlessness

Paradox alert: Getting humbled actually makes you more confident, not less.

Why? Because you learn that you can:

• Survive failure and come back stronger
• Handle criticism without breaking
• Make mistakes and still be trusted
• Lead through uncertainty and still guide others

From Position to Purpose

The ultimate transformation: You stop caring about looking like a leader and start caring about being one.

Purpose-driven leaders:

• Make decisions based on mission, not ego
• Build others up instead of building themselves up
• Take responsibility instead of taking credit
• Focus on legacy instead of immediate recognition

Real Stories: African Leaders Who Transformed Through Humbling

The Student Union President Who Almost Quit

A young woman from Ghana took over her university's student union during a crisis. Within weeks, she faced protests, criticism, and calls for her resignation. Instead of quitting, she organized listening sessions, admitted her mistakes, and rebuilt trust through consistent action. Today, she's a respected community leader.

The Tech Startup Founder's Reality Check

A Kenyan entrepreneur launched his first company, convinced he had all the answers. When his team started leaving and customers complained, he realized his leadership style was driving people away. The humbling led him to develop emotional intelligence and collaborative skills that made his second venture successful.

The Football Coach's Transformation

A young South Sudanese coach (sound familiar?) learned that passion without wisdom creates chaos. Through failures, criticism, and self-reflection, he developed the patience and strategic thinking that later made him a respected leader both on and off the field.

How to Support Other Leaders Through Their Humbling

Be the Leader You Needed When You Started

Remember your own humility when you see others struggling. Offer the same grace you wish you had received.

Ways to support new leaders:

• Share your own struggle stories (not just success stories)
• Offer specific, actionable advice
• Listen without judgment when they need to vent
• Celebrate their small wins and learning moments
• Connect them with other mentors and resources

Create Safe Spaces for Growth

In African communities, this might mean:

• Organizing informal mentorship circles
• Creating peer support groups for young leaders
• Establishing traditions of sharing leadership lessons
• Building networks across different sectors and regions

Warning Signs: When Humbling Goes Wrong

The Defensive Leader

Refuses to accept feedback, blames others for problems, and becomes increasingly authoritarian

Intervention needed: Gentle but firm feedback about the impact of their behavior.

The Broken Leader

Becomes paralyzed by self-doubt, stops making decisions, and loses all confidence

Intervention needed: Encouragement, specific skill development, and gradual responsibility building.

The Fake Humble Leader

Performs humility for show, but hasn't internalized the lessons

Intervention needed: Authentic feedback and accountability from trusted advisors.

The Ripple Effect: How Your Humility Helps Others

Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Leadership

When you embrace humbling, you:

• Model healthy leadership for others
• Create psychological safety in your teams
• Reduce the pressure on future leaders to be perfect
• Build organizations that prioritize growth over ego

Building Better Leaders for Africa

The continent needs leaders who:

• Can unite diverse groups around common purposes
• Make decisions considering long-term community impact
• Handle criticism and opposition with grace
• Learn from both success and failure
• Serve others instead of serving themselves

Your humbling journey contributes to this vision.

Conclusion: Embrace the Beautiful Struggle

Here's what I wish I could tell my 7-year-old self stepping into that first leadership role:

The humbling isn't punishment, it's preparation.

Every moment of doubt will teach you empathy. Every mistake will build your resilience. Every challenge will deepen your wisdom. Every failure will strengthen your character.

The leader you become after being humbled is infinitely better than the leader you thought you were before it happened.

You'll trade arrogance for authenticity. Ego for empathy. Pretense for purpose. And the people you lead, your team, your community, your continent, will notice the difference.

Your Humility Is Africa's Hope

We need leaders who've been tested by difficulty and emerged stronger. Leaders who understand that true power lies in lifting others. Leaders who know that the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to something greater.

Your willingness to be humbled, to grow, to serve despite the cost, that's exactly what Africa needs right now.

Ready to Begin?

Your first leadership role is waiting to humble you. Let it.

Don't fight the process. Don't resist the lessons. Don't try to skip the struggle.

Embrace the humbling, because on the other side of it is the leader you're meant to become.

The one who serves instead of rules. Who lifts instead of lords over. Who builds instead of breaks. Who unites instead of divides.

The world doesn't need more leaders who think they know everything. It needs more leaders who are willing to learn everything.

Are you ready to be humbled? Are you ready to grow? Are you ready to become the leader your community needs?

Take Action Today

Share your story: Have you been humbled by leadership? Comment below and let's learn from each other's experiences.

Find a mentor: Identify someone whose leadership journey you respect and ask for guidance.

Prepare for growth: Start a leadership journal today. Document your challenges, lessons, and growth.

Support others: Look for new leaders around you who might need encouragement through their own humbling process.

Subscribe for more real talk about leadership, growth, and making a difference in Africa and beyond.

Remember: Your humbling is not your ending. It's your beginning.

About the Author: Silas Tonny is a student leader, cultural advocate, and writer who has spent over a decade learning what it really means to lead with purpose across East Africa. He currently serves as President of the Bari Students' Union and writes about authentic leadership for young Africans ready to change the world.